#15 of 54. Letter from Lincoln Steed, Oct. 16, 2006

“All intentional overstatement, every hint or insinuation calculated to convey an erroneous or exaggerated impression, even the statement of facts in such a manner as to mislead, is falsehood.” —Ellen G. White, Patriarchs and Prophets.

“We need to develop a culture of kindness, care, consideration, [and] non-abuse. . . . [Abuse] is not just physical; mental abuse can be just as bad.“ — Jan Paulsen, president of the worldwide Seventh-day Adventist Church, to the Abuse and Violence Taskforce, meeting in Silver Spring Maryland.


LETTER

[The following letter was an enclosure in James Coffin’s letter of November 30, 2006. This letter was sent overnight to my wife at home and to me at work after Lincoln learned that I had contacted six people at the church’s headquarters to whom he’s accountable.]

October 16, 2006
Jim/Leonie

In the few weeks since Dad’s death and my letter to you the immensity of the human tragedy wrapped up in the situation has continued to trouble my mind. Both in my letter to you and contacts with your associates I had hoped to impress on you both the need to reconcile with Mom before she dies. For her sake and yours. But after spending two days in hospital with what seemed like a heart attack, but was almost certainly my body complaining of the stress, I came to the conclusion that there is no more that I can do.

In my last letter to you, before I refused to answer any other letters because it is not good to magnify hurts that way, I wished you well in making peace with God. He must judge us all.

Perhaps we are each telling a different story, but I think we risk signaling to the brethren in the church that none of us want resolution. Surely that cannot be true!

Just today I read again a letter Dad wrote to his three children nearly two years ago. In part he wrote that “Despite our best efforts we come to the realization that we need a goodly measure of understanding, compassion, forgiveness and love about all the weakness of our humanity. Without a realization that God knows our need and His love, care and forgiveness toward us, often our case would be one of despair.” I still can’t understand what has led to this shunning of Mom, but I can forgive and I have for some weeks now decided I cannot become consumed by trying to intervene in this matter.

Again, I am praying for each of us to have healing. I pray for you and your family, and for ________________ [another brother and sister-in-law named], that we can ease our mother’s mind a little in her old age. None of us knows our time. All I know is that time is too short to burn it up in disputes. We may always have differences but I pray that I can apply more charity to where I see them—in myself and others.

Wishing you the best.

Lincoln.

Comments from James Coffin: Lincoln states in his letter of October 16, 2006: “I think we risk signaling to the brethren in the church that none of us want resolution. Surely that cannot be true!” Call me non-perceptive, but that’s exactly what the following five points suggest to me concerning his stance.

He (a) had openly declared that he was planning to circulate letters in an effort to make my life “miserable”; (b) he had said that others “will hear this story”; (c) he had already circulated such letters to an unknown number of my fellow ministers, denigrating my sons, my wife and me, as well as having carried on negative oral dialogue about us with his colleagues; (d) he had sent us a certified-mail letter alerting us to his intention not to read anything we might send him; and (e) he had in fact returned every letter either Leonie or I sent him after he made that declaration.

However, when he discovered that the matter had been reported to his workplace supervisors, he suddenly wrote to us in a seemingly altogether different tone—though, in many ways, even more misleading (the facts of which I won’t attempt to address here). As my wife, Leonie, similarly stated in her letter of May 14, 2007: “I haven’t attempted to counter the details of Lincoln’s accusations, as I do wish to retain as much privacy as possible. But for the record, I can assure you that you have not heard and do not know the sad truth.”

Copyright © 2008 James Coffin